Seeing home through different eyes

Step off the flight and greeted by a very rude customs lady, telling me, “Its not rocket science, when you see an officer you need to hand over documents.” What a test on arrival, after 12 months away, at 6am after 4 hours sleep. Felt like saying, “well in Bali if you see an officer you get on your scooter and ride the other direction haha or you pay them off.” But that’s right, I’m back in the country of order and no corruption (well that’s what they want us to think).  Of course I react. It’s the first time I’ve raised my voice in 12 months. “ No need to be so rude”. Took a deep breath and moved on. I could have stooped to her angry level and continued the rage, but after the last 12 months I have been through, I feel I’m in a good place and there was no need for the anger. Next step was into the arms of my beautiful aunty and 11 degree weather. I had a big smile on my face as I felt the ease in the air and also the freshness was nice for a change, rather than sweating I was rugging up in all sorts of layers. Transition on first day nice and easy with familiar faces, a good coffee and a photography exhibition about “peace” on Dank St, Waterloo, beautiful and just what I needed on my first day. The next step was to catch up with all my friends. This can always be an interesting one. Friends either want to ask you every little detail about your adventure or want to tell you every little detail about their lives. Either way I was happy. Although stories would be very different, mine would be about getting hit by a car, being in a car accident in a taxi and having the taxi driver beaten almost to death, the harsh reality of poverty, corruption, robbery, money going to the wrong people, ongoing crime, kidnappings, food, sunsets, sweaty hot days, barrels, inspiring businesses and incredibly beautiful Balinese and expat people. Theirs could be about holiday plans, promotions, new house, new car, cold weather, politics, weddings, babies etc. As you can see very different, but the beautiful thing is that if they are good friends, it still works and I want to hear every little detail about their beautiful lives because they are my beautiful friends. My mind has changed, I have reprogrammed my brain, I have gone to another place beyond what I ever thought I would and I thought this transition would be hard for my friends and I, but we are ok. Of course there are things I won’t understand about their lives and it’s stuff I don’t want right now, but they will also look at my life and realize its something they don’t want. My life involves risk, instability, challenge and a lonely road, but this makes me, ME and no one else and I wouldn’t change a thing, but maybe all of our lives involves all of the above, who knows. Every catch up with friends I have been in the moment as much as possible had the chats and exchanged beautiful stories trying not to let the worries of coming back to reality take over. Yes I have some worries looming over me and don’t know what my future holds in Australia but I’m just taking it day by day, step by step, cause there will be good days and bad days. It’s all about feeling, flowing and being present to make the right decisions at the right time. I’m sorry after my road trip I will not return to the big city buzz just yet. “It’s not you its me.” and this isn’t some sort of line that I’m using like an ex boyfriend has used to get out of telling the truth, it is the truth I need to go on my wee lil journey at home right now. I’m thinking of you all and at least I’m back in oz, so I’m not so far away. Only a phone call or email away just like before but at least I got local area codes now.

I was talking to a client on my second day back and I said I’m a doer. I get things done. If I have a dream I’ll tell everyone about it, convince myself to do it and just do it. We are the creators and if we are not happy, assess what’s going on, try figure out what isn’t making you happy and try and change it. I say this quite easily because I’m not tied down to anything, I have no commitments and I have the freedom to do this. “People say your so lucky, yeh maybe there is a little luck, but I made the choices and work hard for it.” Said by another good vibe tribe representative. Living in paradise was not easy, I fought to be there and do what I did and I will continue to do so in Australia, now. I’m sure it might not be an easy road for me either but I’m willing to give it a shot because I want Australia to be my base. Australia has a lot to offer and I see this now, I see it through different eyes, what was appealing before now is stale, what was unappealing before is now exciting fresh and new. It’s amazing what time away does. I’m so lucky to come back to Australia do a bit of a road trip, apply for jobs all around Australia and figure out where I want to settle. Damn lucky, I know many can’t do this, but I made the choice and I have lots of support, but when I walk this road I do it alone, I do not have a partner or a friend by my side, I do it alone and when you do it alone you must only rely on yourself, look within, know yourself, know your demons and take on the challenge. I’m ready for the next challenge back home. Wish me luck.


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